Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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