Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
