i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
