All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
