I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
