I just pynch a tree in the face
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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