Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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