Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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