Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
