This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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