she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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