I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
