how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
When are your genitals available?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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