You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
