Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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