i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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