do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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