It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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