it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize