So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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