Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
