I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
