The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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