i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
