I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
