The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
