I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
