My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
