There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
try to milk me bitch
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
