State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
