What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
