it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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