I'm sorry my penis didn't work
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize