I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Randomize
