Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
