please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
