i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
