I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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