hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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