The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
