Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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