i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
