I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
