my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just high enough for therapy.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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