Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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