you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
