We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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