Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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