I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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