I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
4 words: hood of his car
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Randomize
