I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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