If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
why didn't you poke me back
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
