apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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