mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
