I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
