My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
