If i come over, it means nothing
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize