Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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