Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
