Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
