one two three fourrrrnication!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
