I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
