My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
i think i just lost a toe
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
