Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
