I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Randomize
