I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
