I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
