My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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